Saturday, July 31, 2010

Scouting for Boys Without a Voice

Boy scouts came into work today. I don't like boy scouts. They usually come from the southern states, so they speak with a southern tongue. They not only speak like southerners but they smell like they have lived in the woods for a week. Oh wait. They just did.

Boy scouts is like a boot camp for civil war soldiers except in stead of civil war soldiers it is little whiny mama's boys how still are attached to their mothers bosoms. They teach each other how to tie knots, use compasses, and make baskets. What they are teaching scouts really has no purpose or use in the modern world since we don't lash logs together to build house, have garmin GPS systems, and have Walmart to buy cheaply made baskets at in stead of boyscout camp. They should teach each other how to balance a check book, or how to have an interview, and how to cook in a kitchen in stead of in a dutch oven over a open fire. Another thing that is messed up with the whole boyscout system is that the boy scouts have the great idea to lock up a bunch of teenage boys with festering hormones in closets i mean cabins for weeks. They might as well add a catholic priest then the fun really starts. not really boy scouts teaches boys how to really use their time like their new video game merit badge, play 30hrs of straight video games and you get a badge. (YAY :P) what is next sleeping merit badge, go to sleep each night and you get a badge. YAYZZZzzzzzzzz. this makes me sick. well literally. i am sick my throat has a ball of spikes in it that scratches the whole length of my throat,leaving me able to cough up little parts of my lungs. YAY. not. so i am sick and i have to take lovely medicine that doesn't really help and i get to eat cough drops 24/7. This next week is going to be great. This is it. This is the life. I am out. Ian

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Love Song City: Welcome to the Minor Key of Hell.

What is the deal with love songs? I mean really one or two is OK but any more, well I think Sara Breilles said it right, " I'm not going to write you a love song..." Thank god for reasonable musicians who know when enough is enough. I hate love songs, or love in general. I mean really those of you who are in "Love", because you have been going out for three weeks, WELCOME TO REALITY TV. Congratulations to you are the new bachelor and/or bachelorette. I might as well call you, "Snooki, and the Situation." You are as good as dead. Now don't look at me as though I am Heartless as Kanye, but i have had my dosages of love, all of them leading to me Bleeding Love (yet another love song). First of all my fourth grade romance with, for privacy sake we will call her Gorgia Peach. Our good friend Mint Bon Bon, introduced us to each other and we hit it off. We played together at recess for all of fourth grade and into fifth grade, we even made our own drama/TV show/play that we showed in front of our class. We "cut off" our so vivid relationship, at recess when she decided that she didn't want to have a fake marriage ceremony (that everyone was getting). But this was to late she had my heart under lock and key. I was convinced that I "liked" her until eighth grade, when i realized that she was using me, well what I perceived was using. Any who, let' s go on to my next fail attempt at love. It was an attempt with a girl called Mocha Chip, I was told that she liked me by her best friend. But I guess that after two weeks or so of this, I was to immature, which was a true fact. So the finally relationship that I will bring up is the best i have ever had. The girl's name was Apple Strudel. This girl was like a little piece of heaven that fell out of the sky that fell down into Venus's shell as Venus roze from the ocean. It was the best thing ever. After six months of it i felt like i wasn't being my self around her, so I tried to change my social ways. Turns out that my change was just my fear of being rejected. Guess what came out of my change. Turns out that my change cut off our social ties, and my social relationship with an angel had ended. Enough about my whiny realtionships, and how f'd them up. Lets talk about something important. The Blueberry Arts Fest. This fest is the best of all the happenings in Ely. I bought a seven dollar onion platter with garlic sauce, ate half and tossed the rest. TALK ABOUT SHIT BREATH. Well i am tuckered out, and i feel like i am writing like a whiny b**** ( because my mom asked me to). This is it. This is the life. Ian is signing off. in 3 2 1 ...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Brownie Day, a Chance of Rain, and 1 Million Pokeballs

Woke up at six in the morning and fell asleep and headed off to skiing. Who on god green earth would wake up on summer vacation to go and ski. Now this isn't down hill skiing and this isn't winter skiing this is, Here put on these two by fours with wheels and ski down an asphalt road. This doesn't sound to dangerous. BUT IT IS!! Let me tell you one experience with road rash and your skin will burn with the fury of seven hells. Now you will try to blame the world, your parents, George Bush, but they will all say that it is your ass's fault that you hit the asphalt. Luckily for me when i finally got out of my sleep zone and threw on my clothing the sky took a leak on my head, and practice was cancelled. I fell into a slumber land for many hours. The parental units went into "Nazi" cleaning mode. We cleaned and cleaned and cleaned, and can you guess what happened at the end of all this cleaning my dad took down a wall in our kitchen causing a hail storm of dust to cover the kitchen from base boards to cup holders.

I made brownies later that day. I ate half the pan before i realized what i was doing. The brownies were soft and gushy and oozed sticky Carmel (that's what she said). It was like a bomb of amazingness blowing up in my mouth causing my saliva glands to fill my mouth with spit. These brownies were so amazing, if given to rivaling countries they could stop a war. Well... Maybe....

Today downloaded Pokemon, the only game that has captivated minds kids and single men who are really fat and eat Twinkies for every meal for generations. I love Pokemon there is just so much you can do in their world. You can press A as many times as you want when you talk to Nurse Joy and you now what, they won't say " Hey get the hell out of my Poke center I have already healed your Pokemon twice now!!" no they just say " Welcome to the Poke center, give me your balls so i can heal them." Hey!! none of that I know what you are thinking, " HAHAHAHA (immature laughter) he made a balls joke. HAHAHAHA (more immature laughter). Well what can I say... hmm... screw you and your immature jokes. Well not really. Now back to Pokemon, you can also run in any buildings and run into to people at full speed and bounce off of them and you don't have to give a damn. One last thing. What happens to all the Pokemon that you faint during your training. Do their passed out corpses line the roads of the Kanto region. Do the bodies of the Pokemon lay in the grass until another Pokemon devours their body. I mean really , they couldn't have planned this out a little better. One last thing before I end this post. What do the people in the world of Pokemon eat??? There are no cows, chickens, or pigs. ONLY POKEMON! Does that mean that they eat Pokemon how sick and cruel. Imagine this you walk in to dinner and your mother says " Here have a nice slice of pickachu, with a side of boiled bell sprouts. And lets not forget your favorite, Jigglypuff filled jello." MMM my favorite. and That is the thought i will leave you with. This is it. This is the life. Ian Lah Signing Out.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Grammarians & Tourism

Two things that get me on my nerves are people who check your grammar all of the time, and tourists. Grammarians are like the devils literary playmates. The critique and critique and critique, and then when they are done they tell you about how bad you are at writing. Then comes the tourists. Here in Ely,MN we have a "wonderful" festival in late July, the dreaded Blueberry Arts Festival, a time in which the residents leave and are replaced with people from all over the united states. Not only do the tourists take over our quaint town, but it is what they bring with them. Lets give labels to the worst: Citydiots-the people from the Cities who think they are the next big thing, Swampees-the tourists that wear socks with sandals, phanny-packs, cameras, and cargo shorts with Hawaiian shirts. Now I don't hate tourists I just hate how they take over the town.

Now i am adding a segment that will appear here and there through out my blog. The part of Blog where I complain about things in the news that are just ridiculous. So here is the topic: BP. BP is making a bigger mess than the US did in the middle east. I heard that 210,00 gallons of oil spill out a day, and it has been roughly 4 months since the start on April 20th, 2010. There are roughly 30 days in each month, so 120 days of oil. When you multiply 210,000 gallons of oil by the number of days you come out with a total of 25,200,000 gallons of oil. With that much oil, well it is just a sick waste. So this is it. This is the life.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Old People and Major Ear Worms

First off, for those of you who don't know why next year is "the year before the end of the world", here is the reason. Next year is 2011 and the year after is 2012, the predicted end of the world. But that doesn't matter, beliefs like that are for superstitious people, and the catholic church (OOOHHH SNAP!). Yesterday a funny thing happened to me. I walked in to church late and sat down in the back. Immediately i started dozing off, when out of the blue an old man approached me. My first thoughts were, "Oh my god, what is this man doing." But I soon realized he was just coming over to talk. And that is what we did. Well what he did anyway. I listened to the oral and photographic history of the mans life. I learned all about his family, friends and adventures. Soon the old man left and I had just made another friend. Speaking about friends, i have a friend who was obsessed with Justin Bieber. Yes, another girl who is obsessed with a singing baby. You know I wouldn't have a problem with Justin, it is just that i have had the melodious tune of Baby running through my head for 3 days now. His voice resonates in my ears and rings ever so loudly. AHHHHHHHH!!! Talk about annoying. Now I had though while i was being tortured by song. What if Justin Bieber switched voices with Hannah Montana a.k.a. Miley Cyrus? It would be perfect. Justin would sound like an actual guy who sings, and Miley would have a cute voice to match her just as cute personality. Well this is it. This is the life. This is Ian saying " See you next time."

Friday, July 16, 2010

The Start.

Well this is it. This is the life. I get up, shower, get dressed and head to work. Then, eight hours later I am home. Finally, I check face book and listen to music. That's the life of an almost junior, with about 1 month till school starts I am working almost full time, and i have no time for anything that involves fun, and yet i have had some of the times of my life. For example. I fell down a mountain in Switzerland. My friends Ally, Jeff and I were hiking and we stepped into a flowery field. Now what we told our chaparones was a lie. We told them that we started slipping and tumbled down the hill and that jeff hit the asphalt. That was a lie. We were actually going to take the flowery field as a shortcut to the path below. Low and behold, the earth underneath the flowers was sopping wet and as we were walking, we all started slipping. I watched Ally and Jeff do summersults and rolls down the hill. I controlled my self all the way down, that was until I got up and started walking, then jogging, then running, then sprinting down the slippery slope. I felt my self losing control. I pulled up and my myself turn going up hill. I stopped and took a long inhale of fresh mountain air, when all of a sudden I hear Jeff screaming "OH SHIT!! OH SHIT!!" as he starts sprinting down the hill. Now, I was confused, Jeff was below me, and now he was ontop a hill, sprinting down and screaming at the top of his lungs. I found out later that he went to go look for his sunglasses. Anyway. Where was I? "OH SHIT!!" Jeff screamed. I watched as Jeff speed down the slope. As he was running I saw him approach the asphalt trail . Then BAM!! he fell face first into the trail. He bounced like a basketball on an empty court. next thing i realized is i was down by his side seeing if he was OK. Thank god he was just a nasty black eye and a few bruises, Ally had a few cuts, and me, well i sustained no injury; just the constant fear of falling, well more like bouncing on asphalt. This is it. This is the life.